It was May 2nd, 2014 at Kuna High School and I had finally ran a race that I was pleased with after a season of frustration and defeat. I went into the 4A District III track meet with a lot to prove as I was the defending district and state champion in the 400m, yet had been beaten consistently by two other athletes from my district all season long. However, I had confidence that my training would lead me to breaking out and establishing myself as the best once again. And I did it. Not my best race, but good enough to get back on top. After defending my title in the 400m it was time to prepare myself to my next final, the 200m. After recovering from a grueling 400 just an hour or so earlier, I walked out onto the track and set my starting blocks. Still in my sweats, I got myself loaded into the blocks for a practice start to make sure I was ready to race. I got settled in, raised my hips into the set position, and took a few hard strides out of the blocks. As I turned around to walk back to my blocks I felt a pain in my ankle. Nothing major, but uncomforting nonetheless. But, I had two back-to-back races to run so I told myself it was no big deal and just ran my little heart out.
400m Final @ Districts senior year
7 days later I was on the track at Boise State ready to run my first race, the medley relay. At districts the week before our relay team had ran a full second under the state record and ran the fastest time in that state by a large margin, so naturally we were big favorites to bring home the title and a new state record. Usually once I step onto the track for a race I am confident and expect myself to run well. However, this day was different. You see, what I thought was an insignificant pain in my left ankle turned out to be debilitating to my running. Heck, just two days before state I still couldn't run at all because of the sharp pain, so I spent the entire week leading up to state not being able to run. Thankfully modern medicine is pretty sweet and a healthy dose of cortisone whisked away the pain barely in time for me to run, however not running all week long was definitely not ideal. So obviously I did not feel my usual confidence standing there on the track waiting to get passed the baton for my leg of the relay. As my teammate approached me everything went wrong. I left too late, didn't take off hard enough, and sure enough the baton went tumbling to the ground and we didn't finish the race. Well, that race didn't go as planned, I then ran a slow time in the 400, then I ran a crappy 200, then the 4x400 relay didn't go as planned. Sure, I walked away with two silver medals, but I felt greatly unsatisfied and like a failure. That meet was my last chance to do something big and run to the potential that I knew I had, and that all fell through the cracks because of a small little ankle injury.
Somehow my mother got a picture right as the baton was falling to the track... good timing (or bad timing?)!
Fast forward 3.5 years and I have set out to not let my track career end with disappointment and be left feeling like I never fully tapped into my full potential. Last semester after I got back from my mission I got in and talked to the sprint coach for the track team here at Utah State and expressed my desire to walk on and fight for a spot on the team and he gladly welcomed me into joining the team to fight for a roster spot for the competitive season that starts in January. So at the beginning of this school year I started my journey of adding a new uplifting chapter to my career to not be left feeling unsatisfied.
Unfortunately for me, I dealt with a foot injury throughout the summer that kept me from preparing myself for the coming fall training and playing a bit of catch up with the kids that hadn't just taken a 3+ year break from training. However, I still jumped in earlier this fall with nothing to lose. Sure, my fitness level may have been a bit behind, but luckily we worked pretty slowly into our training so I never felt like I was lagging too much. Even as our workouts started to amp up a bit I was always very surprised with my ability to keep up and run workouts right there with the rest of the guys and I began to build my confidence that I could run Division I track and be an asset to my team.
My foot had gotten much better and I had gotten to the point where I nearly didn't have any pain at all. The only pain I would ever have would be just a little bit or soreness after practice. I had probably nearly a month of having minimal to no pain before all of a sudden one Monday my plantar fasciitis decided to flare up with a vengeance! I had never felt even close to that type of pain in my foot throughout the 4 months I had been dealing with the injury so it was so strange for it to go from painless to nearly crippling basically over the weekend. My foot hasn't been the same since. I found a pre-practice treatment routine and a tape job that helps me not have much pain for my workouts, but I usually have quite a bit of pain after I get done with my workout, so I had to find a post-practice routine to help relieve that pain as well. Not an ideal situation, however I have been able to practice everyday and have been able to keep getting stronger and faster.
One of the things that I missed most about track was being a part of a team. I realized right after I finished my last race at the state track meet my senior year of high school that I was going to miss my teammates and the relationships I built through track more than anything. Coming onto a new track team was a bit different. It was my first time being around all these new people, and a lot of our workout group is freshman, so it took a while for us to come together and become what I was used to. However, one thing that is so special about my team is the fact that even though most us are competing for a roster spot, everybody is each others biggest cheerleaders. Every single workout is filled with high fives and motivational chants which are honestly so incredibly helpful when you are about to pass-out and you are about to step up to the line again. I have never been on a team that has come together like we have here at Utah State to help each other improve and get better, even though we are each others competition.
This past Wednesday we had our annual Blue & White Inter-squad Meet. Not only was this our first chance to race, but this was our last chance to make an impression because cuts were to come just two days later on Friday. I had been feeling a bit unconfident in my chances of making it past cuts for a couple weeks leading up to the meet for some reason. I fell a little bit behind in a couple workouts and for some reason lost a bit of my confidence. So I knew I needed to show up and run a good race. Well, I did just that! I ran extremely well and actually ran a lot faster than everyone except for two really solid returners on the team who I ran about the same time as. Not only did I run well but racing for the first time in 3.5 years felt SO GOOD! I hadn't felt that rush and competitive spirit in such a long time and it made me so excited to start racing in January! I felt a lot of new confidence in my chances of making the team and was looking forward to competing for Utah State.
There I was Friday morning sitting in English class when I felt my phone buzz. "Oh no!" I thought. For some reason I just knew it was going to be a text from my coach, which would not be a good sign. Earlier in the week I had heard that coach would only meet with those people getting cut, so if you didn't get a text to go meet with coach you just show up to practice that day and that was the sign that you made it. Well, sure enough I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw the text from my coach asking for me to come it to talk with him. I couldn't get in to visit with him for another few hours, so I had the privilege of sitting through two classes and some more time knowing that I was about to get cut before it actually happened. Once I finally made it to the offices my coach took me to a small meeting room and told me that they were cutting me from the team. Honestly I think it was harder for him than me. He talked about how his whole career is based on helping athletes and doing whatever he can to help them reach their potential, so it is extra hard for him to do the opposite of that to someone. It was hard for me to sit there and see his eyes begin to tear up a little bit and I could tell that he was deeply hurt to cut someone like me who came and gave it everything he had day in and day out.
Obviously it was extremely difficult for me. To know that I spent hours and hours every week in the training room, on the track, and in the weight room for three months only to be told I was not going to be on the roster was a pretty tough pill to swallow. It hurts when you are told you aren't good enough when you have put your heart and soul into getting better every single day. But, I was alright. I am so incredibly proud of what I did. Division I track is no joke and workouts were HARD some days. Just thinking about the fact that I came in after not training for 3.5 years and kept up each workout and came back day after day makes me smile and feel so dang proud of myself. Its honestly hard for me to describe how I feel because its hard to explain the personal growth that I went through over the last few months. I feel like an athlete again and have finally begun feeling satisfied after grueling workouts and felt a sense of purpose in my training. I feel competitive again and love working towards physical accomplishments. I remember praying at night about a week or so ago and having a few tears thanking the Lord just for the opportunity to have spent the last few months as a part of the Utah State track family and for all its done for me. Ultimately, at this point in my life I don't NEED track. I am thankful for the time I spent away on my mission learning what my life was really about. If I would have gotten cut from the team right after high school I would have been destroyed, but now I realize that my life has purpose and I have fulfillment in things outside of track. It doesn't define me like it seemingly once did and I am able to move on with faith and hope that it will end up being what is best for me in the greater plan that God has for me.
So, what now? What about not wanting to leave track feeling unsatisfied and not reaching my potential? I have committed myself to not quit until I am able to set a PR (personal record). Personally I think that even just after 3 months of training after a few years off I could run pretty close to as fast as I did in high school, so I am committed to keep training on my own and competing in a couple of indoor meets as an unattached athlete up in Boise come January/February. I plan to run a PR in the 400 as well as the 200 and then most likely hang up the spikes and call it a career. I honestly just can't see myself wanting to train any longer than then. I worked out Friday all by myself after I got cut and it was brutal. It is so hard to hit your times and push yourself that last stretch of an interval when you are all alone and tired. The mental aspect of training by yourself is excruciating and I just don't know if I can keep fighting that battle longer than a couple months. My coach did leave the option open to come back next year and fight for a spot again, but I do not know what my life will be like 9 months from now. The odds are slim, but I am not ruling out trying again next year.
I am sure there are many schools out there that would love to have me come run for them. I don't think it would take long to find a coach willing to get me on their roster. However, coming out of high school I made the decision that I was going to go somewhere that I wanted to go to school and then see if track would work out. So, I decided that I wanted to come here to Utah State. If track worked out, cool, and if it didn't, I was somewhere that I wanted to be without track. Unfortunately, I picked a school that actually had a legit track team that is competitive in a pretty decent conference, so I may have kind of shot myself in the foot there, but I don't regret it. Even though I have said that I would not leave Utah State previously and he knew where I stood, my dad reminded me when I called him to tell him the news that there would always be opportunities to run somewhere else if I decided that I really wanted to run, and I didn't even think for a second about transferring somewhere else. I have found a new home here and I ain't leaving it until I have to!
If you are still reading, cool. I was hoping to make this shorter than my previous posts, and I think it is juuuuuuuust a tad shorter, but still too long. So sorry.
Unfortunately for me, I dealt with a foot injury throughout the summer that kept me from preparing myself for the coming fall training and playing a bit of catch up with the kids that hadn't just taken a 3+ year break from training. However, I still jumped in earlier this fall with nothing to lose. Sure, my fitness level may have been a bit behind, but luckily we worked pretty slowly into our training so I never felt like I was lagging too much. Even as our workouts started to amp up a bit I was always very surprised with my ability to keep up and run workouts right there with the rest of the guys and I began to build my confidence that I could run Division I track and be an asset to my team.
My foot had gotten much better and I had gotten to the point where I nearly didn't have any pain at all. The only pain I would ever have would be just a little bit or soreness after practice. I had probably nearly a month of having minimal to no pain before all of a sudden one Monday my plantar fasciitis decided to flare up with a vengeance! I had never felt even close to that type of pain in my foot throughout the 4 months I had been dealing with the injury so it was so strange for it to go from painless to nearly crippling basically over the weekend. My foot hasn't been the same since. I found a pre-practice treatment routine and a tape job that helps me not have much pain for my workouts, but I usually have quite a bit of pain after I get done with my workout, so I had to find a post-practice routine to help relieve that pain as well. Not an ideal situation, however I have been able to practice everyday and have been able to keep getting stronger and faster.
This is my trainer Megan. She seriously keeps me running through my daily pain and I cannot thank her enough!!!
One of the things that I missed most about track was being a part of a team. I realized right after I finished my last race at the state track meet my senior year of high school that I was going to miss my teammates and the relationships I built through track more than anything. Coming onto a new track team was a bit different. It was my first time being around all these new people, and a lot of our workout group is freshman, so it took a while for us to come together and become what I was used to. However, one thing that is so special about my team is the fact that even though most us are competing for a roster spot, everybody is each others biggest cheerleaders. Every single workout is filled with high fives and motivational chants which are honestly so incredibly helpful when you are about to pass-out and you are about to step up to the line again. I have never been on a team that has come together like we have here at Utah State to help each other improve and get better, even though we are each others competition.
This past Wednesday we had our annual Blue & White Inter-squad Meet. Not only was this our first chance to race, but this was our last chance to make an impression because cuts were to come just two days later on Friday. I had been feeling a bit unconfident in my chances of making it past cuts for a couple weeks leading up to the meet for some reason. I fell a little bit behind in a couple workouts and for some reason lost a bit of my confidence. So I knew I needed to show up and run a good race. Well, I did just that! I ran extremely well and actually ran a lot faster than everyone except for two really solid returners on the team who I ran about the same time as. Not only did I run well but racing for the first time in 3.5 years felt SO GOOD! I hadn't felt that rush and competitive spirit in such a long time and it made me so excited to start racing in January! I felt a lot of new confidence in my chances of making the team and was looking forward to competing for Utah State.
There I was Friday morning sitting in English class when I felt my phone buzz. "Oh no!" I thought. For some reason I just knew it was going to be a text from my coach, which would not be a good sign. Earlier in the week I had heard that coach would only meet with those people getting cut, so if you didn't get a text to go meet with coach you just show up to practice that day and that was the sign that you made it. Well, sure enough I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw the text from my coach asking for me to come it to talk with him. I couldn't get in to visit with him for another few hours, so I had the privilege of sitting through two classes and some more time knowing that I was about to get cut before it actually happened. Once I finally made it to the offices my coach took me to a small meeting room and told me that they were cutting me from the team. Honestly I think it was harder for him than me. He talked about how his whole career is based on helping athletes and doing whatever he can to help them reach their potential, so it is extra hard for him to do the opposite of that to someone. It was hard for me to sit there and see his eyes begin to tear up a little bit and I could tell that he was deeply hurt to cut someone like me who came and gave it everything he had day in and day out.
Obviously it was extremely difficult for me. To know that I spent hours and hours every week in the training room, on the track, and in the weight room for three months only to be told I was not going to be on the roster was a pretty tough pill to swallow. It hurts when you are told you aren't good enough when you have put your heart and soul into getting better every single day. But, I was alright. I am so incredibly proud of what I did. Division I track is no joke and workouts were HARD some days. Just thinking about the fact that I came in after not training for 3.5 years and kept up each workout and came back day after day makes me smile and feel so dang proud of myself. Its honestly hard for me to describe how I feel because its hard to explain the personal growth that I went through over the last few months. I feel like an athlete again and have finally begun feeling satisfied after grueling workouts and felt a sense of purpose in my training. I feel competitive again and love working towards physical accomplishments. I remember praying at night about a week or so ago and having a few tears thanking the Lord just for the opportunity to have spent the last few months as a part of the Utah State track family and for all its done for me. Ultimately, at this point in my life I don't NEED track. I am thankful for the time I spent away on my mission learning what my life was really about. If I would have gotten cut from the team right after high school I would have been destroyed, but now I realize that my life has purpose and I have fulfillment in things outside of track. It doesn't define me like it seemingly once did and I am able to move on with faith and hope that it will end up being what is best for me in the greater plan that God has for me.
So, what now? What about not wanting to leave track feeling unsatisfied and not reaching my potential? I have committed myself to not quit until I am able to set a PR (personal record). Personally I think that even just after 3 months of training after a few years off I could run pretty close to as fast as I did in high school, so I am committed to keep training on my own and competing in a couple of indoor meets as an unattached athlete up in Boise come January/February. I plan to run a PR in the 400 as well as the 200 and then most likely hang up the spikes and call it a career. I honestly just can't see myself wanting to train any longer than then. I worked out Friday all by myself after I got cut and it was brutal. It is so hard to hit your times and push yourself that last stretch of an interval when you are all alone and tired. The mental aspect of training by yourself is excruciating and I just don't know if I can keep fighting that battle longer than a couple months. My coach did leave the option open to come back next year and fight for a spot again, but I do not know what my life will be like 9 months from now. The odds are slim, but I am not ruling out trying again next year.
I am sure there are many schools out there that would love to have me come run for them. I don't think it would take long to find a coach willing to get me on their roster. However, coming out of high school I made the decision that I was going to go somewhere that I wanted to go to school and then see if track would work out. So, I decided that I wanted to come here to Utah State. If track worked out, cool, and if it didn't, I was somewhere that I wanted to be without track. Unfortunately, I picked a school that actually had a legit track team that is competitive in a pretty decent conference, so I may have kind of shot myself in the foot there, but I don't regret it. Even though I have said that I would not leave Utah State previously and he knew where I stood, my dad reminded me when I called him to tell him the news that there would always be opportunities to run somewhere else if I decided that I really wanted to run, and I didn't even think for a second about transferring somewhere else. I have found a new home here and I ain't leaving it until I have to!
If you are still reading, cool. I was hoping to make this shorter than my previous posts, and I think it is juuuuuuuust a tad shorter, but still too long. So sorry.
